is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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