this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Thank you for not boning my boss.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
