If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
