yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
