Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
