He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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