Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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