Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
