There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
