question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
