I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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