I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
