why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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