Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
