he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
