the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We are two peas in an std pod
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
