just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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