i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
