I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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