She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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