Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
