i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
