saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
