6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
