super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
