Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
