dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
