Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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