the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
