Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
