if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
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