Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
