Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Randomize
