That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
