Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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