I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
