She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
