there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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