I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
So vagazzling was a success
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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