I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Is it because I queefed?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
