Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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