FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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