Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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