i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It's shark week go big or go home
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
