just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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