I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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