I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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