Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
