You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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