I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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