Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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