found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
