have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
