I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
we have pet lesbian snakes
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
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From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize