dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
