I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
