So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
