I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
