Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize