Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
