I'm gonna have a badass scar
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
