You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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