Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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