I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
