it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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