I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
