We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
