I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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