i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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