she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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