Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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